My Wife, My Ex-Wife, and ME!
Imagine a groundbreaking podcast where your current wife and your ex-wife share a mic. In this captivating podcast, Denny takes center stage as he navigates conversations with Jamie, his ex-wife, and Amanda, his present wife, using nothing but a microphone to untangle the complexities of their intertwined lives. Together, they explore the challenges and triumphs of parenting, tackling sensitive subjects such as divorce, co-parenting, and the emotional journey of overcoming cancer while cheering on their shared daughter, Audrey. Throughout the episodes, our trio courageously confronts the realities of their relationships, discussing adoption, the dynamics of blended families, and the sometimes turbulent waters of step-parenting. This podcast invites listeners into an authentic dialogue about life and family, emphasizing the theme of "parenting without excuses." With humor, honesty, and heartfelt insight, Denny, Jamie, and Amanda offer a refreshing perspective on what it truly means to support one another as co-parents and navigate the complexities of modern family life.
My Wife, My Ex-Wife, and ME!
Introducing: Mono-Poly Wife, Mom of 3, and Author of "Not Tonight, Honey"- Courtney Boyer!
This episode unpacks the transformative nature of polyamory within the context of marriage and personal fulfillment. With Courtney Boyer as a guest, we discuss her journey from a traditional marriage to embracing non-monogamy, highlighting why open relationships can fulfill emotional and sexual needs that sometimes go unmet in conventional structures. All of this as her husband, Nate, continues on in a monogamous manner.
• Insights into polyamory and relationship dynamics
• The complexities of opening up a marriage
• The societal stigma surrounding non-monogamous relationships
• Emphasizing communication and consent in alternative relationships
• Powerful reflection on the evolution of personal identity through love
• Addressing emotional and sexual needs in marriages
• Discussion of listener questions on dating and intimacy
Find out more about her here:
https://www.tiktok.com/link/v2?aid=1988&lang=en&scene=bio_url&target=https%3A%2F%2Flinktr.ee%2Fmarriedmilfdiaries
I'm Amanda, the wife.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jams the ex-wife.
Speaker 3:And I'm Brayden, just the future.
Speaker 4:Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Denny Broins. I'm the only man dumb enough to get his wife and ex-wife in a studio to do a podcast. And here it is my wife, my ex-wife and me.
Speaker 5:That peace and happiness might be found there. You give me hope, and now, now we have to say goodbye. Ouch, if there's any bitches in this room then there's something I gotta say For all the fools who fell for the first Girl, who comes their way way. I've been down that road and now I'm back Sitting on square one one, trying to pick myself up when I started from.
Speaker 4:My Wife, my Ex-Wife and Me, starts now. Starts right now. Welcome to another edition of my Wife, my Ex-W and me. Starts now. Starts right now. Welcome to another edition of my wife, my ex-wife and me. Yes, this live is a little close to the last one, and everybody's staring at me where they say hey, you just said, I know, don't talk about how everything was so close, but what'd you just say? Nothing, nothing.
Speaker 3:Hers said nothing.
Speaker 2:Hers said nothing, I said nothing. Hers bad.
Speaker 4:So welcome to this week's show. It's going to be a doozy. I'm going to say that out of the gate Could be an all-timer. Oh.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited.
Speaker 4:Me too. I've been looking forward to this one since I found I know he's been yelling at us all week about this one.
Speaker 2:Well, it's not really yelling.
Speaker 1:It was more like scolding.
Speaker 4:Capital letters and texts.
Speaker 1:To be fair, we scolded him last week that you don't ever tell us the info until the day of, and so the next day he put out all of the information. He did he did.
Speaker 2:But it's not that he gave us the information, it's that he said and you guys better research, and you guys better do this. Guess what I didn't do everything he told me to do.
Speaker 4:Sounds much like when we were married.
Speaker 3:You are a 38 year old 16 year old.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's exactly what she is, holy shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:There's that Especially unmedicated, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:There's that Especially unmedicated. Oh yeah, Are you unmedicated?
Speaker 2:Catch me off my meds. How about that?
Speaker 3:She's been talking so much Her mouth is starting to get dry. We're in trouble.
Speaker 4:That's the second time I've heard that today. Let's do some introduction, shall we? You want to do it in reverse order and start with Amanda?
Speaker 5:No, I never get to be first. You know what you done, fucked up today.
Speaker 4:Now you are, hey, across from me and sitting to the left of my eldest son. It's my beautiful wife.
Speaker 5:Amanda, I'm a bad bitch and I got bad anxiety. People call me rude because I ain't letting them. Try me Saying I'm a hoe because I'm in love with my body Issues, but nobody I can talk to about it. They keep saying I should get help, but I don't even know what I need. They keep saying speak your truth and at the same time say they don't believe. Man, excuse me, while I get into my feelings for a second. Usually I keep it down, but even know how I feel. Today I really hate everybody and that's just me being real. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday bad bitches have bad days. I'm not saying Friday, Saturday, Sunday, bounce back. All I really want to hear is it'll be okay.
Speaker 4:Bounce back because a bad bitch can have bad day. How you doing, honey? Great Nathan, a friend of the show. We see your comment. Thank you, nathan. We're glad you're here. Family is good, nathan, you should stick around. We've got a great guest today. How's it going, honey?
Speaker 1:It's going good.
Speaker 4:It's going good I feel weird.
Speaker 1:I'm like all fuzzy my head's all weird, you know.
Speaker 2:I just want to point out like she was singing and it was going all good until you had to come in and ruin it, like you usually do, Just so you know.
Speaker 4:Like I'm a ruiner of things. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, nathan, is there room for me across the pond? Across the pond, like could I come stay with you? Or maybe I could go to Germany and stay with our guest? I don't know, I'm kind of thinking From Romania, from Romania, hi Mahia, am I saying that right? I'd say so. That's pretty close. Welcome to the show. Give us a like and a follow if you, or a subscribe. I guess I'm still learning my socials.
Speaker 2:If you can like it, if you can share it or if you can subscribe, do one of those.
Speaker 4:Hey, since we do have a guest kind of in the waiting. Yes, I love you, amanda. No, you don't. Yes, I do. I'm going to move on. We're going to do it completely different. Sitting to my left, unmedicated it's my unmedicated Jittery, not very likable ex -wife.
Speaker 5:Jams.
Speaker 3:You ruined Ex-wife and watch the world to burn Big old bitch. You're a stupid bitch.
Speaker 4:And lose some weight. Say hello Jams, Hello. How are you feeling today? I'm fine. What's one thing you're excited about for today's interview?
Speaker 2:All the questions I get to ask, if you let me.
Speaker 4:I'll let you. Matter of fact, you get the first five, Michael. Thank you for clarification on your name.
Speaker 3:Can't clarify a name. That's not Michael. Look at it, yeah that's definitely not, michael based on the spelling.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's in. I'm sure we should tell them more about their name.
Speaker 4:I mean they're from Romania, so I'm sure that there's translation difference in there. But either way, we're really glad you're here. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 3:My name's Michael too, You're stupid, shut up.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I'm good and I am excited about this guest, so get the stupid look off your face. Oh he can't help it.
Speaker 4:I know. So what'd you do last night after you left? From our previous recording?
Speaker 2:I went to bed.
Speaker 4:Yeah, were you really tired.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Cause you're, you were acting kind of tired.
Speaker 2:I was. I was very tired. I had you sprinted out of here faster than lightning we didn't even get out of the.
Speaker 4:Every joke has a little truth studio and your car was already on the road.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was tired. She had an appointment, did you have?
Speaker 3:a D appointment. No, I didn't Okay, I'm on my period.
Speaker 2:Did you have to? No Sure wish you would Just shut up.
Speaker 1:I don't even A lot of good information there. This is really.
Speaker 2:When I say no and you make a face, just translate it, See, that's why you're dumb.
Speaker 4:That's good, michael. We should have done that actually.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Michael Brayden, you're stupid.
Speaker 4:Well, michael, you should know, Jams is on her period.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I didn't have a D appointment.
Speaker 3:It's more of a postponement really.
Speaker 4:Come on, hey, let's go ahead and introduce the young man at the table, shall we? Coming at you from the? Every Joke has a Little Truth studio right here in central Indiana, and we have people on this podcast from across the pond, from Germany and from Romania. We're international.
Speaker 2:And Nathan.
Speaker 4:That's across the pond.
Speaker 3:Great Britain yeah, maybe you should doodle. Yeah, never say anything, don't even put your headphones on.
Speaker 2:Let's introduce my son Brayden. Hey, peckerhead.
Speaker 4:Maybe you should try a bit harder. Everybody, you've got shit for brains. Ants didn't trust me. You've got to get much smarter. I don't know what. I trust me. You've got to get much smarter.
Speaker 2:I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:You've got shit for brains Say hello, Brayden what it is.
Speaker 1:What's up how are you doing today? I want my other song back the Dumb Motherfucker.
Speaker 4:Oh, we have somebody on from Kokomo. Oh God, oh, brittany, brittany's back. She's becoming a regular on the show.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 4:She's going to want a spot. She's going to do news.
Speaker 1:Why are you such a dumb motherfucker Not?
Speaker 2:you.
Speaker 1:Brittany.
Speaker 3:That's for Brandon. You got to just put it back.
Speaker 1:No, he can't find it now. No, I can find it. It's pretty vulgar, I like the pecker oh yeah, I'm real good them out for maybe 12 times, which is probably why I like it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:I think so. Alright, so, and that's okay. I'm gonna go around the room before I let our guest on. Okay, and I just want a baseline understanding. Give me your definition of polyamory Jams.
Speaker 2:Having more than one partner.
Speaker 4:Okay, I guess Samesies.
Speaker 3:Nope, I want your words. The movie Savages Okay, I guess Samesies. Nope, I want your words.
Speaker 4:The movie Savages, all right Interesting.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that movie. It's a great movie.
Speaker 1:Isn't that what she is?
Speaker 3:No, what that's polyamorous. Though there's three of them, there's not two.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's only those three.
Speaker 3:That's just it. Their movie's only two hours long.
Speaker 1:Don't they all die?
Speaker 3:Kind of no Well they had that vision. That's my view of it, I guess, but I guess it would be throuple. So I guess polyamory would be one person with multiple partners.
Speaker 4:Okay, and for the record, I don't know that we're saying any of this. Right, I want a baseline understanding.
Speaker 1:That's the point of it, amps. I had it, and then I talked and said other things.
Speaker 4:Oh, more than one more romantic relationship at a time More than one romantic relationship. I actually like that.
Speaker 3:I think the romantic part of it. I think sex has to be a part of it, Because if it's just like, oh, he's my partner, I think the romantic part of it.
Speaker 2:I think sex has to be a part of it, because if it's, just like oh, he's my partner.
Speaker 3:I've known him for 30, her and him for 30 years. That's just your friend.
Speaker 1:But it's not also just sex. That's why I say romantic, because it has to have all components.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but like if romance.
Speaker 1:So what's yours?
Speaker 4:You can't just piggyback off? Well, no, I can because, look, I have been interested in this idea. Not like that way.
Speaker 1:News to me, no, no no no, not like that I want my own breaking news button. Are you talking about?
Speaker 4:converting no but. I was a religion. I was, I've, I've always been super, because it's so different from it is different than what I know, and it's.
Speaker 1:It's crazy to think about how that if you have more than one partner. You have you have a fundamental understanding of what a relationship in a household looks like, so how could it be anything else?
Speaker 3:do you look at it? Do you look at it like you couldn't love anyone, like you love her? Oh, ok, so that's a good question. That's because I love Alexis more. I love Alexis more than I've loved anything other than Jet and Maverick. That's it. I don't even more than coach.
Speaker 4:Yes, and Eddie yes, oh you hesitated.
Speaker 2:Alexis.
Speaker 3:I have to go to the store to get peanut butter. Sometimes I can't drive at night. What I'm saying is I can't imagine having all of those same feelings for someone else. I couldn't imagine it, but maybe I'm just not built that way.
Speaker 2:You're not clearly.
Speaker 3:Interesting. Okay, I'm going to light you up this one.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just saying clearly you're not. I just want you to know you did it with the subject matter.
Speaker 1:You may or may not be in the line of fire for what?
Speaker 2:having a?
Speaker 3:also, I was in a polyamorous relationship. I just didn't know you just didn't know it.
Speaker 4:I think we've all kind of dabbled, if I'm guessing.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean kind of yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just been in secrecy for the most part. So have you yeah.
Speaker 4:You dabbled with me, I get it Ew.
Speaker 3:Don't talk like that again.
Speaker 4:She's dabbling.
Speaker 3:We dabbled once or twice.
Speaker 4:I don't like that. So on with us this week. Like I said, I'm super excited about this. One On with us this week is relationship and sexuality expert, mental health and sex therapist, life coach and Reiki practitioner. Did I say that right? Reiki, yep.
Speaker 2:She does Reiki, that's okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, also author of the book not tonight, honey which I think I've heard that one a time or two. I'm being honest. Right, honey, it is our new friend on the show let me get her on the screen so she can yeah, I'm figuring it out. Everybody say hello to courtney boyer. Hello, courtney, welcome to the show, hi guys, thank you for having me. You are so welcome. Thank you for being patient. This interview was supposed to start at three.
Speaker 2:It's almost quarter to four nathan, like when we said, dabbled oh, he did.
Speaker 4:That's a nathan word, I think. Um. So hey, welcome to the show. We're going to start off with a little geography lesson. Where is germany, germany? Is in europe, it's in europe. I was actually asking brayden because I was right he's not not real smart Do. East. They're East. Do East, east of what? Yes, well, I mean the way the earth is shaped could be East or West.
Speaker 3:Yep, let's stop trying to. Let's stop trying to get away from the fact. I'm right.
Speaker 4:So, courtney, you're, obviously you are obviously looked at the map. Very American right. You're an American citizen, but you live in Germany. Can you tell our listeners what's going on there and how you ended up and how long you've been there?
Speaker 6:Yes, so we've been here for five and a half years. My husband is a physician in the army, and so we've been stationed here. Um, it is great. It reminds me a lot. I'm originally from seattle.
Speaker 4:you guys are in indiana, we're in indiana so we are about 50 miles north of indianapolis okay, I lived in indianapolis for five years.
Speaker 6:Are you shitting me? Wow, nope, that's where my husband went to med school.
Speaker 3:Iu I work there almost every week.
Speaker 2:We live in kokomo. I don't know if you've ever heard of it okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I um so crazy.
Speaker 6:I was a sexuality educator um in indiana for a couple of years, and my oldest daughter was born there wow, look at that.
Speaker 4:I always love these small world things. We have a, we have a map in the. Every joke has a little truth studio. That's where we podcast from and we have pins and we haven't updated that for probably three years At least when our voices have been heard, and I always think it's fun. And then to run into somebody that has you know, that can tell you where we live when you're all the way over there, it's just that's insane to me. Yeah, so did I miss anything on the bio?
Speaker 6:No, nailed it. Well done? Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 3:Damn it why did you tell him you could have given him a couple pointers? He's not going to be able to walk out of the room now. Yeah.
Speaker 4:So the reason we have Courtney on with us this week.
Speaker 3:I think you actually have something to ask your wife from what you were speaking about earlier. What do I have to ask my wife? You want to start?
Speaker 4:practicing, if you can dabble.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah, no, I don't know that that would work very well for us. Just because I like to keep all of my parts intact, I think. Would they be removed by Amanda Based on what she said? Yes, oh, that's fair, so let's start there. Courtney, okay, you were. I've watched most of your content on TikTok, okay, and I have. I have really tried to learn what you, your motivation for what you know, your lifestyle, which is what everybody seems to call anything alternative than of a heterosexual married relationship, seems to be called the lifestyle. Have you noticed that?
Speaker 6:out there. Yeah, it's really annoying actually, because the lifestyle means something different in the lifestyle.
Speaker 2:Oh, what does the lifestyle mean in the lifestyle?
Speaker 6:The lifestyle actually is what swingers typically will use. So swingers refer that's more of like a non-monogamy. So not okay, there's monogamy, that's one umbrella, and then there's non-monogamy, and under non-monogamy is several spokes. Polyamory is one of them, swinging is another. Open, you know know, relationships is also wow, yeah, but most people are familiar with swinging and so when they refer to the lifestyle and that's how people in the swinging community refer to themselves as okay, because it's or the lifestyle- it's more of like a community in that regard, because it's it's you know, people you run into and things that are constantly changing.
Speaker 1:So it's not just one term, it's the lifestyle.
Speaker 3:They communicate too Like. They have ways of communication like upside down pineapples. Oh yeah, yeah, on a cruise ship, dude.
Speaker 5:Yes, yep.
Speaker 3:There's. There was a Facebook like group. I went on my first cruise recently. There was a Facebook group. I went on my first cruise recently. There was a Facebook group that was for. It was titled Our Cruise and it was like LS or Swinger Club or something and they were like you see a pineapple on the door, just come on in.
Speaker 2:Come on in.
Speaker 4:Come on in.
Speaker 2:It's usually an upside down pineapple.
Speaker 6:Yes.
Speaker 3:But if you see that, like the door's open and it's unlocked, it's weird. I thought it was strange because I was like these are random people.
Speaker 2:What if there's a serial killer on the ship?
Speaker 3:These are random people. I wouldn't do it no.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't do it. But let's go back, because what I learned I?
Speaker 1:think you were skipping a huge piece of it, because I think a big part of your story is you are. You've been married for 20 years, right yeah? So you've been in a monogamous relationship for 20, well, 17 years and then before this life. So you are in a monogamous marriage.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry, what was that?
Speaker 1:word. Yep, I'm. I'm struggling with this adaptation of polyamory into your lifestyle. I think you kind of skipped over that so he can go back on whatever he was trying to get to. That's where I was kind of headed. I did it backwards.
Speaker 4:I didn't like it. Well, I was hoping to kind of get your take and when so, you were married and, I'm assuming, happily. But you must have been missing something in your relationship. Maybe wait, can I?
Speaker 2:ask a question before you let her answer that first.
Speaker 4:Sorry um but it's. You made a decision that, hey, I need something else and I just wanted to. How long ago was that and what led to that decision? And then we'll move into Jamie's question after that.
Speaker 6:Okay, so, yeah, so we were together for 17 years. There were moments throughout our marriage and even before I got married. So I got married young, at 22. I grew up very religious, very conservative. Sex outside of marriage was real bad, real sinful. So I couldn't just move to Indiana with my husband when he got into med school If we weren't married. There was that expectation and so I had never had sex with anybody else besides my husband. We didn't wait until marriage, but we did. He was my only sexual partner.
Speaker 6:Um, and then there were moments through our marriage where I found myself attracted to other men, but then I was like, like, not just attracted but like desired, like to like to be with not just sexually, but like wanting more than what I was having in my marriage. And then, um, about three. Actually, it was three years ago. On our anniversary dinner, our 17-year dinner, I said, hey, what if we had a threesome? And I was like I don't really want a threesome, I have no desire for a threesome. But I knew that that was like the icebreaker, or felt like that was the icebreaker to introduce the idea of non monogamy, and he did not react well to my suggestion. But what?
Speaker 3:I mean, was I happily?
Speaker 6:married. No, um, I was like the pinnacle of, like the Instagram, pinterest mom. So I was PTA president, I we have three kids. I was super involved. I was, um, like the doting wife, like all of the things, and I felt like the more that I would be this perfect you know, example of what you know a monogamous wife is then the more that he would want me and love me.
Speaker 6:And, um, a lot he was gone, a lot he deployed. It was not the glamorous life of being married to a doctor that a lot of people think. It was really lonely and he was tired all the time so he would come home. He was not emotionally available. He didn't really see me sexually Like we'd have sex, like once every two or three weeks maybe, and I felt like I was slowly dying inside and so I was like I don't want to tear my family apart. I love what we have. Like I loved him on so many levels, but I felt like my needs emotionally and sexually were not being met, and so I felt like this is a great alternative to have these, keep my family intact and then also get my needs met, and he did not like that idea.
Speaker 4:I imagine not. I imagine that was a very fairly uncomfortable beginning to. At least Did you wait for dessert before you pop that question.
Speaker 6:Oh, no, no, oh, main entree, I got right into it. I got to the. Yeah, I was so Just ripped the bandaid off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you asked him. So you asked him like, do you want a threesome? And then went into well, okay, I actually I don't want a threesome.
Speaker 6:but how did you get to where you're at from the threesome question? Yeah, so I said at the dinner it just kind of evolved into, um, okay, well, what if? What if?
Speaker 6:we opened the marriage and he said absolutely not. And I said would you be open to me sending you stuff about non-monogamy, like, could you at least think about it? Would you think about it? And he said I don't ever see myself supporting that or being a part of that, but sure so? He just said sure. So then the next six months I was pretty intense about sending him podcasts, interviews, articles, scientific research. Like I pulled out all my tools and was like and he finally, basically, I wore him down after six months and he was like you. He finally, basically, I wore him down after six months and he was like you know what? Fuck it, I don't care what you do, I don't want to know about it. And, um, I had a random, like a random encounter with somebody that I met on a train going to answer, like it was like you could write a book about it, which I did.
Speaker 4:So it sounds like a book, yeah.
Speaker 6:But it it all like lined up, like perfect. It was super duper weird. And then, two months later, after I did a psychedelic mushroom trip, that's when I realized I was polyamorous. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 3:It does your.
Speaker 6:There's a lot to unpack here.
Speaker 3:Sorry, I'm loving what I'm hearing so far. Does your husband practice it? If he was, so, he's so against it from where we're at right now. Does he practice it now with like with you? I guess stop doing it. Oh, sorry, you didn't watch the video shut up.
Speaker 1:No, she, he's yelling at jamie yeah, no.
Speaker 4:No, it's not you.
Speaker 2:There's an argument in the studio she's all chirpy, he didn't watch the videos we were supposed to watch.
Speaker 6:Oh, okay, the required reading, but Jamie had a question, though I thought she was the next person to ask a question.
Speaker 3:She asked the question.
Speaker 2:I didn't, but it's okay. Oh, you did Go ahead.
Speaker 4:Go ahead, because I'm going to circle back.
Speaker 2:So I know your is just monogamous, which was my question, which I was going to allow him to go first. I know your husband is monogamous, so were you just not telling him when you? We're having my question changed from what you?
Speaker 1:said Is that what you're trying to say?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So like when you had these encounters with these people, your, your husband, just didn't know at first.
Speaker 6:Yeah, so there was two months. It wasn't, it was um. There was one guy like, it wasn't like multiple. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:And he didn't know, like he had absolutely no idea, he didn't know I was talking with him and then after a couple of weeks I decided to download an app and like start getting into it more seriously, I guess you could say. And then still, at that point it was just we never talked about it and I didn't go out on dates, because in the meantime I went back to the US to visit family for a couple of weeks. So I was talking to somebody that I had met on the app, but I hadn't met him in person yet.
Speaker 2:OK, so yeah, in Germany Nope.
Speaker 6:Yes, in Germany, he is German. I don't talk to him anymore, but yeah, he is German. He is German. I don't talk to him anymore, but yeah, he is German.
Speaker 4:So I'm actually going to go back because I want to. I want to talk about, you know, kind of the mental health side of this I want to talk about. We're going to, we're going to move the train along, so to speak, and get to that point. But do you find that people really don't talk about sexuality because it's uncomfortable? I know that sounds like a very simple question, but in my opinion it's. I think, you know, 30 or 40 years ago people were not going to talk about any of their desires, and now people want to talk about all of their desires and but there's still like some shame that comes along with it. And what has your experience been with that? And how did that, with knowing what you know and the training that you have, yeah, Kind of wrap all that up in a neat little package for me? You know about people talking about sexuality, your experience with talking about it and, um, you know, just kind of put that together for me.
Speaker 6:I think that there's like a box, Um, it reminds me of kind of like a pen, a pen you know, like uh, where, like you can let your dog out and as long as you are within this, like this pin or this box, like that's okay. Maybe there's some like more fringy stuff, like maybe some spanking and blindfolding and BDSM and those kinds of practices.
Speaker 6:But, those are the things that we're okay as a society talking about, um, and then there's outside the box and that really freaks us out because we don't understand it. And we don't understand it because we've been conditioned to believe that monogamy is the only thing that exists and anything that is outside of monogamy is like not like there's something kind of wrong with you. Like one person should be able to meet all of your needs, yeah, and if they don't, then there's something like kind of wrong with them, or you. Or instead of us looking at the script that we're being handed and questioning that, we choose to question the people that that living differently, differently, that that stigma kind of brings both curiosity and a lot of hate, if you will.
Speaker 4:Is that fair to say, really predominantly?
Speaker 6:men that comment they're appalled and angry about. Well, I think one. I'm a sexually empowered woman, so like that's a whole other topic. But this idea that I'm not playing by the rules and I think there's an expectation of um, you're supposed to follow this script and follow this road and you're deviating from that and that's not fair. Like you're not supposed to have your cake and eat it too. I can't even tell you how many times I've been told that um, like you're supposed to, only you get this much. You're supposed to stay in this box and you're you're not following those rules, and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable yeah, well it's.
Speaker 4:It's going against societal norms, right well, and I think I'm curious about it making men the most upset.
Speaker 1:Because is it a jealousy? Is it because they are not comfortable exploring their own? Because of course we could get into like men and like how they've been conditioned to not really process their emotions and their feelings and all of that.
Speaker 4:But feels like a shot across the bow.
Speaker 1:It's not, it's. I mean, it's a whole societal thing where you know, as boys they're taught to not feel and to only think this way. So well, wait a second, Now we can change that. That's weird and uncomfortable, and you must be the problem, not me.
Speaker 2:Or they're like angry at you because their wife can't be that way. And how dare you? And you know what?
Speaker 1:I mean or or or or.
Speaker 2:They're really insecure and so that just or they really their insecurities or they really do believe in monogamy are, do a lot of people say how can you do that to your husband? I mean, even though he's yeah.
Speaker 6:You would think I'm the worst wife in the world. Like. I have men who are like, like we. I did it to Nate and I. Actually I asked my husband, his name's Nate, to do a TikTok live with me tonight, because I was like, can you please tell these men that you're not like, I'm not brainwashing you, you are, I'm not like, you're not the victim.
Speaker 3:How have you guys talked about it? How does he feel about it?
Speaker 6:How does he?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so going it from the but if you could just kind of like from the threesome question on the 17th anniversary to today, like what have been what have been kind of the trials and tribulations, what have been sort of the what's been the process of getting the here.
Speaker 6:Yeah, oh man. A lot of therapy, a lot of talking about feelings. So what ended up happening was is that I just was like I'm not settling anymore. Like I said, I need a partner who can be emotionally available and I also have the capacity to love more than one man and I want to explore that. And if you cannot do that, I totally respect that, but that's a deal breaker for me.
Speaker 6:So for my entire life, my entire marriage, I kept myself small so that he could be big, okay. So I shrunk my needs. I shrunk myself physically, sexually, emotionally, everything. Because I felt like if I was too much, then he wouldn't want me and I wasn't lovable. Because I felt like if I was too much, then he wouldn't want me and I wasn't lovable. And so I went on my own personal development journey and realized that's not authentically me. I need to be. I'm a lot, I am too much for some people and that's okay, but I was tired of it being too much for my marriage.
Speaker 6:And so he understood that he hadn't showed up emotionally in our marriage. And so he understood that he hadn't shown up, showed up emotionally in our marriage. He realized that he um had like numbed himself because of his job, because of the military, a lot of things. And so he agreed to go to therapy and start to really turn on those emotions. And that was a big game changer because I had a husband that would basically give me breadcrumbs, like I was.
Speaker 6:I used to to joke that medicine was his wife and I was his mistress, but that's really how it was. And then it started to shift and he started to feel for the first time in forever and we started to talk about our feelings all of the time. But he had this overwhelming fear that I was going to abandon him, that I was going to leave him for another man, that I was going to do serial monogamy and didn't understand polyamory and I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't. I felt so much shame Like I couldn't openly talk about it because I was so afraid of what other people would think. So I'm in the closet, like trying to navigate this with like two of my best friends who were like the well and my sister and my mom knew, but like very, very few people knew, and our marriage is just imploding and we're fighting all the time because I want freedom, I want to explore this side of me and he wanted to control.
Speaker 2:He wanted to keep me small what did your friends think, like the friends that you talked to were they were. Are they also a part of it or were they more?
Speaker 6:So I had, uh, two friends who were also in the process of opening their marriage to the same. Like it just serendipitously, like they just happened to also be going through a transition to open their, their marriage. They're both non-monogamous, though, so it was a little bit different, um, but my other friend was just like a normal monogamous housewife. It was like like okay, like at first they're like okay. Like you know, not a lot of people know polyamorous people. I mean most polyamorous people are kind of in a friend, like a community, that like they live in berlin or like you think that right, or like portland oregon or something. You know it's not like you're never gonna find them down the street. What was that?
Speaker 6:you're never going to find them down the street.
Speaker 1:What was that? You're not going to find them just down the street in your neighborhood?
Speaker 6:Right. I mean there's a lot of people that engage in like some crazy sexual stuff or not crazy, but just like non-traditional that they don't talk about it. And so it was really lonely. But I and I was so afraid of my kids finding out we decided not to tell them at first. They were 10, 12 and 14 at the time and I even though I we raised them in a very sex positive we are, you know, accepting of all genders, all sexualities I was so afraid that they would think that I was a monster or a deviant or that I was like there was something wrong with me. Because I was. It was just a projection. I was so insecure of who and who I was that I didn't want anybody to find out like this big secret of mine.
Speaker 2:Did it hurt your husband's feelings? Like were his feelings hurt?
Speaker 6:Oh, absolutely. He was crushed. He thought he was like what's wrong with me? Why can't, why am I not enough for you?
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I kind of I could see that, but now, now he's just it. Does he feel, um, like a lot of pressure lifted from him from this because you are happy, or does he feel like and I know you probably can't really say how his feelings?
Speaker 6:but and I know you probably can't really say how his feelings, but you know, yeah, I mean I would do when he's asked, like he, when what he says is I kept you small Courtney for a really long time and I want to spend the rest of our life helping you shine. And so, yeah, I mean our marriage did a whole one 80. Like I look back now like and I'm like God, he was such an asshole and like that is such a different man than who he is today. But he's that man today because I was brave enough to say I'm not settling anymore and this is who I am.
Speaker 6:And if you can't accept this and this vision of what I want to create like I was willing to burn it all down and I tell people that I said you're this new life, whatever you want. And I cause I talked to a lot of people who want to open their marriage or who are in sexless marriages and they want to introduce something. But they don't. They're not, they're scared, they don't. And I said until you are brave enough, until you are so tired of this old life that you are willing to do whatever it takes for this new life, nothing will change Right, and that's how I was for 17 years, until I got to that breaking point where I said I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 4:Do you think it was the full 17? Um, what do you mean, the full? You said well, that's how I was for 17 years.
Speaker 6:Do you think you were good for 12, struggling for five years? I think it was always like, like I said, nate, nate's first love was always medicine and so I like that was a constant competition, like when, um, I would, I would be like I want to have sex, I want to like, do all these amazing, like lord newlyweds and he's like I gotta study for the boards, yeah, I gotta. I gotta prep for the MCAT. I've got to. Like I was competing with biology and physics and you know, like it wasn't this, um, like we worked, we were both very diligent students, but like that was his dream and I took a backseat to his dream to help him facilitate that.
Speaker 4:So, yeah, you, you were kind of held down for a long time, so it it's safe to us. I'm not even really assuming. I was assuming before. It sounded to me like, hey, the marriage is going to be okay. But what I'm hearing is this polyamory saved your marriage. Is that fair to say?
Speaker 6:Yeah, that's so. That's funny because I you don't know the name of my second book, Um, I I haven't actually published. This is the first time I publicly shared what the name of it will be, but it's um.
Speaker 2:it's called opened how non monogamy saved my marriage and me, but your husband is fully monogamous with you because he doesn't want to try to give any, he doesn't care to give any other attention. He just between medicine and you.
Speaker 1:it's I guess I mean that would be a poly. I guess it would be because it's medicine and you but yeah, so which is okay, which is yes.
Speaker 6:I'm sorry, I'll let you ask no, no, no, no, go ahead, go ahead. I was going to say because it's because society condones that right. It's okay for him to give his blood, sweat, tears, love, joy, energy.
Speaker 2:But if he gave his penis, then that okay, now it's a big deal, yeah, no, no, like he gives all of his emotions, you know, yes, and I mean emotional, yeah, his emotional cheating, just like physical, but with books, but with books and yeah, life, but so you guys do this. Can you explain your polyamorous Like are you, you know, I know you're not married to more than one person, but you stay married to your husband? How many other partners do you have? Do those partners change? And, um, do you or do you stick with a certain amount of partners?
Speaker 6:Right, great question. So polyamory looks different to everybody and there are people practice it all different ways. So the way that I practice it and I learned this pretty early on is I don't enjoy casual at all, like I don't. I'm not a hookup one night stand kind of girl, um, and I only have the time and energy for one other man. So what for me? Um, I don't know if, if you followed the Bumble story, um, on Tik TOK.
Speaker 4:So I see that the Bumble is a story that she kind of did a little series on. Why don't you go ahead and catch everybody up on that?
Speaker 6:Okay. So, um, basically what I do is I date normal, like normally, I guess. Like I don't like to use the word casually, because when people hear that they think I'm just like fucking around like all the time. And that's not how I do it. Like I, literally I generally enjoy like going on dates, getting to know people. Sometimes.
Speaker 6:Eventually I'll do overnights, but my goal is to find a boyfriend, another partner, whatever label you want to call it, and then I'm I maxed out, like I can only have two men in my life. That's all I can do. So the Bumble guy was. So I had a boyfriend until about 10 days ago, 11 days ago, um, and so I actually did a little series on how we met our first several dates, what are like kind of just taking people through the evolution of our relationship and then sharing that Um, I ended it with him and on the last episode, which is really kind of a depressing state, but that's the reality of this lifestyle. Like some people think they're ready to be in a relationship with a married woman and then they realize they're not.
Speaker 1:So that's what I wanted to. I have. I have a couple of things written down. But to stay on target, how do you okay, you're dating, you are, I assume you're using dating apps or Bumble, or just I mean, if you meet them but you're dating, you are, I assume you're using dating apps or bumble, or just I mean, if you meet them but you're dating, how do you and when do you say, by the way, I'm super duper married and that's gonna stay the same it's in my profile.
Speaker 6:Okay, so I, that is. I will say I'm happily married and I'm polyamorous. That's like one of the in the first sentence. I will include my Instagram handle married mouth diaries because I want people to understand um like who I am. I will include my Instagram handle married mouth diaries because I want people to understand um like who I am.
Speaker 2:I will forever be married.
Speaker 4:Great name, by the way, great.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I was just like I mean, cause I do have an affinity for younger men, so then I was kind of like playing with. Anyways, that's another story. But, um, so, yes, yes, no, I never hide, ever, ever, ever hide, that I am polyamorous, like I'm not looking for monogamy. Um, and I am married yeah so okay.
Speaker 2:So you say you only have room for for two men? Um, so you had a boyfriend. How long were you guys together? Just a month a month, okay, and um, and are you okay if he is polyamorous with other women?
Speaker 6:um, yeah, yes. So the short answer is yes. There's a caveat, though. Okay, so what I have found is that some men are poly curious and they're not actually polyamorous, and so some men will use the polycurious as a way to be like I just want to fuck around and I'm not interested in that. So, like, if you are genuinely polyamorous, that is great, cool, but I also will have like expectations. I don't want a partner that has casual sex with lots of women, or any women actually Like I don't mind if they have a honestly another married person, like a situation that I'm in would be great, but it's hard to find women who are trusting and open enough to allow their husband to fall in love with another woman and not freak out about it.
Speaker 2:Okay, so if you found another couple and you're with them, wait, not with them, with the husband, with, him. Yeah, oh, I've just had so many questions Um James's brain is where James's medicine comes in handy because it organizes her thoughts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I have just so much running through my head so you let me go back to the boyfriend. You have a boyfriend, um, and you say, sometimes you get to a point where you do overnights and and you just tell your husband like, yeah, I'm gonna go stay at joe's house tonight and yeah, you know I'll be, I'll be back in the morning well, it's not like that.
Speaker 6:I will usually say, hey, I'd like to like go see joe this weekend. Does is saturday night, okay? Like what do the kids have? Does that work for you? Are you on icu? Like, what's your schedule?
Speaker 2:I don't ever tell, I coordinate okay smart, that's smart yeah, and then, and, and you find that these men are OK with it. Well, this guy was OK with it up until some point, or was he probably curious.
Speaker 6:This is a little bit tricky, so, without going into too many details, so when we first started dating, he's Indian and he is still legally married to his, his wife, who was back in India, although they were in a platonic marriage, no longer like weren't sexually active whatever even if they weren't, it would have.
Speaker 6:Like she knew about me, okay. Then she decided to move back with their son to Germany after our third date and was suddenly not okay with him having a girlfriend, and even though she knew that they were never going to get back together romantically and he was not prepared for that transition, and so she did not handle it well, he did not handle her not handling it well and I said I need, I need somebody that's going to make me a priority, and it looks like you're not able to do that right now, um, and the fact that, like you can't call me on the phone when you're around her, or, um, like I was. We were going to go to Paris for his birthday, cause it was, um, we were actually supposed to go this weekend and she was like, no, she didn't want him to go, and so he said well, she's freaking out, she's throwing a tantrum about it, blah, blah blah. I don't want her to upset our son, and so I just got tired of yeah, I would too.
Speaker 1:You can't have. I don't think.
Speaker 4:It goes against the rules, kind of, doesn't it?
Speaker 1:I don't think in in something this, where you have to be open with your feelings and who you really are, you can't have messiness, can you?
Speaker 6:No, which is which is why I'm very clear, upfront of like these are my expectations, this is what I am. I will never ask a man that I'm dating to change. I will never say I need you to do this. I will say this is what I need, this is what I desire. If you can't or don't want to do that, totally cool, but that's a deal breaker for me and I'm out. So do you tell them.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. Do you tell them like my husband and my kids come first.
Speaker 6:No, I don't practice hierarchy so it defaults to that way in a way, like because of how I organize my time. I mean, I live with my husband. So, yes, technically it looks like he comes first, but, like, in terms of my emotional availability, there's no differentiation for me. Like, my partners are my partners, whether I've been married to them for 20 years or we've been dating for a month. Now, how I spend my time is a little bit different, and over time with my boyfriend that time will increase. But I think the priority is whatever is in front of me. So, like, my son has like soccer three times a week, so, and I'm the primary kind of parent that deals with that. So you know, I make that work and then this and work, and so it's more of like plugging in puzzle pieces as opposed to saying you, you rank number three in my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay. So if you were dating a guy for a couple of years, um, do you see that guy coming to soccer games and integrating them into your life, and how does your husband feel about that?
Speaker 6:now I would say Nate. So in polyamory there's different terms, there's like kitchen table garden party. So kitchen table polyamory is my dream, where everybody can sit down at the kitchen table together and drink coffee and chat and talk. It's nothing sexual, it's just like everybody knows everybody, they're friends, right? We all grab a beer together regularly, like whatever.
Speaker 2:So like garden party. It's like what we do is not sexually.
Speaker 6:Okay, yes, a lot of, a lot of blended families do that. Um, they would do that non-sexually too, right? I would just be sexually active with them individually, right, but the friendship would still like be the focus. Garden party is more like okay, somebody's having a birthday party, somebody's having a graduation, so they show up for more like special moment occasions, and that's what Nate is comfortable with right now. In the two and a half years that I've been dating, he's only met one guy that I want, and that was the bumble guy, which was about a month ago. He met him.
Speaker 4:Oh man. So he finally kind of breaks through, meets him, and now you guys broke up.
Speaker 6:Yeah, and you know what the shitty part is Like we'd still be together if his wife was did not move back. I mean it's just like it. I mean it all works out the way that it's supposed to and who knows, maybe someday we'll get back together, maybe we won't, I don't know. But like I knew that I was falling, I was starting to fall for him and I knew that it was a messy situation and I didn't. He needed to get his shit figured out and I. That was not on me.
Speaker 2:And he was, and he was fully okay with what. What did he want? To be monogamous just with you, or did?
Speaker 6:he want to be. Most of the men I have dated and I've been in relationships with actually 95% of them are monogamous single men.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, so they're not polyamorous too, have you ran?
Speaker 1:into any men? I mean, obviously you haven't. It doesn't seem like you've had relationships that have lasted for a long period of time yet in your kind of journey through this. But do you think you'll run into men that be like, okay, can we be together and you leave your husband, or is that like?
Speaker 4:I mean I'm sure, I mean maybe, but like that's not uh you kind of make it clear from the beginning that that's not your.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think I guess what I was saying is you know, I feel like so many times people go into relationships and maybe this is more women do this to men but they go into relationships and say, okay, I know that's not what this is now, but I'm hoping that it can grow into that later. Again, I think it's women particularly want men to change to their vision. I didn't know if you had encountered any men that thought, well, she'll come around to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like in their own head maybe.
Speaker 4:Like I'm going to win her over and make her want to leave and be with me.
Speaker 1:But I think I'm asking that way prematurely from what you've experienced. It was just a thought I had.
Speaker 6:Yeah, no, I haven't Not yet. No, yeah.
Speaker 4:But I mean just the nature of feelings and all of that as time would grow. I would think that would be a natural progression that you might run into. You know, from my perspective it's possible anyway, right or no?
Speaker 6:I mean, it could be One of the things I'm finding with people, especially when they've done like they've been married, they've had their kids, like they're like I don't want to be married again. Like I like living by myself.
Speaker 6:I don't want to, and so I see a lot more single people opting for non-traditional approaches to relationships, not necessarily polyamory, but like the living apart together, you know phenomenon where they're like married, but they live in two different houses and two different States, or their, their careers take them to different places and, um, I think that it will actually be a lot more common and that expectation of like shacking up and moving in and like you're going to leave him or you're going to. I don't. I don't see that as being as probably an issue for a partner.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I have a couple of questions that I have to get out, so for once, we've kept you from asking.
Speaker 4:That's right, I've just been watching, and I don't get to do that very often. You're a popular guest, so do you find that most of the men that you kind of kick a conversation off or that reach out to you on these, on these apps off, or that reach out to you on these, on these apps, do you think, do you feel like most of them are just dudes that think you'll be a quick, easy hookup?
Speaker 5:because they see absolutely, yeah, 100.
Speaker 4:So you got to kind of put those guys or just ignore them or whatever um they think polyamory equals easy.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's, that's a lot, just lots of sex all the time yeah, yeah, yeah, like they're just starved for sex.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 6:Yeah she's, she's all she wants.
Speaker 1:She's just fuckable, she's easy, okay, how do you filter them out?
Speaker 6:I've had I mean one my job, so I understand, like I um, I know patterns really well and so, like there's literally no guy that can say anything to me that I haven't heard before. Like you, I've had thousands of conversations with, with people, even if they're like 30 seconds or like years worth, because there's the same kind of approach or the same like I know we're conversing, I know, when men ask for pictures, what they're, you know. Like there's just certain ways that, okay, like dude, I know what you're after. Yeah, like come on, yeah.
Speaker 4:Do I look like the type that just wants later?
Speaker 5:Yeah so that's well.
Speaker 1:That goes back to my other question I wrote down and I think now's a good way to segue into it. So you are a sex therapist, right?
Speaker 6:I'm no longer licensed so I can't legally call myself that anymore. So I do more relationship coaching.
Speaker 1:Formally, were you in that role prior to the let's have a three or some conversation, or did that come after?
Speaker 6:So I've been in the sexuality field sexology field for like 17 years, 18 years, Okay.
Speaker 4:Oh, that was the end of the question. Well, that was the start of it.
Speaker 1:That was I wanted to roll into that side of it. Did you have more to follow up?
Speaker 4:Well, no, I just have. If you have another question, go ahead, cause I I'm going a little different.
Speaker 1:I just want to. So you are a resident expert, then, I would say, in the field of sexuality and understanding yourself and the things that you want. So do you think that played a factor into hey, I understand this lifestyle, so I'd like to delve into it. Or do you think I wanted to know your journey? I struggle with phrasing questions and not making them a long story Super sorry. Do you think knowing what you know is what helped you to get to this point, or you were going to get there anyways?
Speaker 6:I. But I was so ashamed of myself, like there was so much self hate and so much insecurity that all the education and certifications I had didn't mean shit. Like I was so like alone and empty and scared and but desperate to try to find something to fix my life.
Speaker 4:Okay, wow, oh yeah, okay, I've got to lighten it up.
Speaker 2:No, no, no that's. I mean that a lot of people, a lot of people will just leave and then they'll try to figure it out.
Speaker 4:They'll either just leave or they'll just live with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and yeah, I think it's funny, isn't there?
Speaker 1:you know the idea a lot of psychologists and psychiatrists are a lot of the people that struggle the most with their own mental health issues. So isn't it kind of the same reflection that you kind of had this internal struggle going on? Is that vodka? That's the field. No, it's water.
Speaker 2:I seriously thought you were just chugging vodka.
Speaker 4:Jan's got extra excited for the show.
Speaker 6:Yeah, Sorry, it's like this is normal in Germany. It's like sparkling water, large water, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm like damn girl get it.
Speaker 6:I feel like get it, it is OK. Even if it was vodka, it's 1030 at night.
Speaker 1:That's right, that's OK. It's an appropriate time. No, absolutely yeah, there's no judgment over here anyways.
Speaker 4:So my question I'm going to go back to let's go back in time, to the first date you had that man. Can I ask a really personal question? You can ask me anything. Yeah, I know you keep saying that, but how many? All right, I'm just gonna ask and if you get mad at me, please don't stay that way very long, I should just like us better how many extra sexual partners have you had since you started this?
Speaker 6:okay, that one I'm not gonna answer okay, that's okay. Here's the reason why I, I I'm not ashamed of how many sexual partners that I've had, not at all. But I get nervous when people because here's the thing, if people think a number's too high or too low, and then they make lots of assumptions, and then that's fair.
Speaker 4:My whole story all people focus on are how many people I've okay I, I appreciate, and here's the reason I'm asking, because I I'm trying to gauge, I'm trying to put myself in the position, okay, sure, and I'm trying to, I'm trying to gauge your responses based off the experience, because I don't have that experience right. So I'm, I'm thinking back to you know that first time you have that experience outside of your marriage A, the anticipation building up to go there. B. You know, hey, for the first time in 17 plus years, I'm going to have sex with someone that's not my husband. I'm going to have sex with someone that's not my husband.
Speaker 4:So there is a ton of apprehension and a ton of everything else that goes along with that. But you know you can push all of that away because you know, hey, the excitement of the moment and the and all of that. But here's where I was really headed, when you, when you're all done and headed home, that you know that first time, or even the first couple that had to feel pretty awkward, did it or no?
Speaker 6:So the first time that I was with someone I didn't know about it, and so I struggled with the like hiding of it, not because I wasn't allowed to, but because he didn't want to know about it, and so it was like a double shame. Like he didn't know I don't have any, I mean, I had my one girlfriend to talk to about it Like it felt amazing, not the sex itself, but like the experience, which that's a whole.
Speaker 6:that's a whole other topic we can get into at some point. But, um, but the being desired and like dating and like being, like that was fucking incredible, like that was. I felt so alive in that moment, like something inside of me was born, like on that first full day after we opened it, um, and I struggled with how to. I felt like I had to bottle it like put it all back again. You, you're back in your box again, courtney, um, and that was really hard. So it's not that it was awkward, it was oppressive.
Speaker 1:You made it, I guess I would say having to hide it or not being able to talk about it inside your relationship with the person that you're married to and trust the most makes it feel like the dirty little secret, and that's the opposite of what this is supposed to be right, yeah, and it just fueled that self-hatred of there's something wrong with me and that's something in I write in the book.
Speaker 6:I ask myself a lot in the book what's wrong with me?
Speaker 2:what's wrong with me because I continue to anyways, okay, no, go ahead, sorry so how long have you been um, how long have you guys been um open?
Speaker 6:well, not, not, but like where you could start telling him and and sharing with him and how long it, um, so about two and a half years, so it's just two months worth of don't ask, don't tell, okay. And then, after I realized I was polyamorous, he said, okay, I want to start like knowing about the some of these guys that you're talking to or dating. Um, he has no desire to know what I do sexually with other men, and so, and that's totally fine with me, I actually am fine with that, I like having something with my boyfriend like this is me and him, and I get to have it, because there are a lot of people in the polyamory or non-monogamy world where their spouses, it's like a rule or requirement, like you will tell me what you do sexually, cause they get off on it, yeah, and like that's like a kink and that's you know whatever. But that doesn't exist in ours and that's actually hard for a lot of men to understand. They're like I can't believe your husband would let you go fuck another guy, which again, they totally diminish what polyamory is. But, um, and then he doesn't even like want to know about it and I'm like, no, he doesn't, no and brayden, I'm sorry I cut you off earlier.
Speaker 2:I feel like you need to talk more, so do you have a question?
Speaker 4:yeah, he's sitting over there wide-eyed, so I am going to.
Speaker 2:He's like are you in shock? I'm so scared.
Speaker 4:You are, so a lot of what you're doing is to you know you're trying to help other folks. You're trying to. Yes.
Speaker 1:I have a question.
Speaker 4:Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1:I suppose this is a question With talking to him. Are you careful of the things that you say to try not hurt his feelings? I know you know sexually not sharing that and that seems pretty self-explanatory about him not wanting to know. But do you try to try to mitigate? Well, he did this for me and I don't want that to seem like anything to make you jealous, or is that not even a like, a factor into it?
Speaker 6:like he showed up with like roses. He showed up with a bottle of wine for chocolates for my kids, like and that's super cool. I mean it was so sweet, like the whole interaction was like beautiful. And then like he booked a hotel for us in Strasburg not Nate, but my bumble guy and like he got me like Dior lipstick and like Dior perfume, like he just went like over the top it. Like I was like, okay, this is great, and Nate was happy for me in.
Speaker 6:So I didn't have to like hide the fact that like he had gotten me these things or he had paid for the hotel or whatever. Um, I think in the past I may have done that a little bit, but I've actually found that Nate really respects them and that I'm dating more the more that they do for me. So the better they take care of me, the more he respects them. So I found that sharing that he is like damn straight, like Courtney's, amazing and she deserves to be treated phenomenally. And so I'm so glad that you found somebody that treats you the way that you deserve, and that's one of the things he liked about.
Speaker 4:The Bumble guy treats you the way that you deserve, and that's one of the things he liked about the Bumble guy. It sounds to me like Nate would prefer to you not be an object to someone If he's going to allow this. It makes him feel better that you're doing it with people. Like you just said. Respect you and respect your situation.
Speaker 1:He's doing it all for her happiness. I don't think it's really he allows, but he understands that this is what she needs to be happy. So the other person needs to be pulling their weight in her happiness. Well, and he?
Speaker 2:doesn't want anybody hurting, like just using her either, right, but I guess I guess it has to. I mean for him I don't know like because I'm I'm very possessive kind of, but kind of being kind of pregnant I'm very possessive kind of, but Kind of that's like being kind of pregnant. I'm possessive, right, right. And I feel like for him to step outside and say you know, I just want my wife to be happy. I don't know, I'd love to have him on.
Speaker 4:Well, let's do this, but we do have a question.
Speaker 1:Well, we have a listener question and I have't know I'd love to have him on. Well, let's do this. We do have a question, we have a listener question and I have another question.
Speaker 4:Let's go ahead with your question. We're running low on time.
Speaker 2:Let's do the listener question first. Okay.
Speaker 4:She said that, because yours are very long.
Speaker 1:Our listener wants to know did your husband have any sexual partners prior to you, or were you his first as well?
Speaker 1:he did, he would, he had sexual partners before me, okay yep, now your question now my question is and again, I think this is probably my brain working way ahead of the situation, because you haven't had a long-term relationship with a boyfriend. How does like, do finances factor into this? So like you and your husband have finances and then the boyfriend's paying for things, but if you're in a long-term relationship with that, you would assume, kind of you're in his finances would merge together. Do you know how that's going to look or have you not thought about it?
Speaker 6:So the longest relationship I've had is four months, um, and what we did, I mean that's I don't know if it's not really long-term, but, um, I I've always dated men that typically take like care of me and a lot like they financially foot the bill, um, but like I would so like here, this is another story, but, um, I dated a guy who lived in Lyon, france. He was my longest relationship and that's a six and a half hour difference between us and I would take the train and go and stay with him for like two to four days. I'd cook, I'd pay for groceries, but like when we went out to dinner, like he would pay for dinner usually, or if we went and did something, like he would typically pay for it, but like I would pay for my train ticket, I would pay for the those kinds of things. So I think it just kind of depends Like if we're traveling together or whatnot, but like I have a full-time job, like I work, and so it's never been an issue with nate to be like, oh, you're spending our money, to go like see these guys that you're fucking like again, that's you could like technically look at it that way, but um, you know it's a spending time with somebody that I care about and adds value to my life and then, in return, adds value to my family's life and becomes a part of my family in a way, and so it's never been an argument or an issue in terms of that.
Speaker 6:Now, if I'm dating somebody for much longer I don't know what that would look like per se, but I think it would if I'm their only relationship, then they probably will spend more money than than I would.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and that's what I was trying. Again, I think this is me, yeah.
Speaker 4:You're just going way cart before the horse. That's typically how it goes.
Speaker 1:I was thinking like big purchases, like a house and a car and things that you would do with a boyfriend.
Speaker 4:Or with a spouse, yeah, that might be a little presumptuous a house and a car.
Speaker 1:Well, not like buying together I don't know.
Speaker 2:That's what I was just curious. I just need to know where you find these men. You got a dog.
Speaker 6:I would say that's not, as that's a more American question. Oh, I would say that's less common here in Europe. It's very independent in Europe, like you're not really buying cars together or buying, I mean, yes, sure, maybe an apartment, but typically it's usually in one person's name. Just a little bit different approach here, that's, that's so.
Speaker 4:I have a question, now that you've said that, Do you prefer to live in europe versus the us? Interesting so I've heard hands down, especially germany in particular, is far better yeah, yeah, I've heard the same thing, but I want you to hold that thought, because I'm going to put you on the spot, because we have amson jams to do okay, I could go on, for I know hours well, that if I thought we could finish, if we could button this up we haven't even gotten into the mean things.
Speaker 4:People say yeah, I know may I finish my statement, or speaking of mean. If I thought we could wrap this up with like an extra 30 minutes, I would keep this going, but I think we need a second episode. Could I coerce you into coming back on so we could do this one more time?
Speaker 1:uh, yes okay, we'll promise to bring medicated jams next time we'll have are you sure you're good with it?
Speaker 4:because I love it yeah I want people to like.
Speaker 6:Anytime I have an opportunity to talk about non-monogamy and literally how it saved my marriage and me, um, I will, will take it. I really want to help demystify and destigmatize that you can create a beautiful life and family, whatever that looks like. I think you guys are a beautiful example of that. In people's society doesn't really blink at it because you're not having sex, having sex with each other but then people like have a problem if that becomes present and I just find that really hypocritical and so I don't know what's funny there's, we are there's people that do have a problem with our dynamic, even though there's not a sexual element to it.
Speaker 1:so, yeah, so I think it's, and I think maybe that's why this is element to it. So, yeah, so I think it's, and I think maybe that's why this is so, because it is really close to home with just not the sex side added into it?
Speaker 2:Do you think your husband would come on with you next time?
Speaker 6:Absolutely yeah. Yeah for sure, If we could do it a little bit earlier, like maybe 30 minutes earlier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we could do it even an hour earlier if you wanted to.
Speaker 6:Oh well, then he would for sure be all about it. Yeah, he really believes in what we're building and like he believes in me and um, I just really like I dragged him onto Tik TOK to do a live and he didn't really want to do it but he enjoyed it so much and I was like, yeah, that was actually really fun. Because he wants people to realize like he's not a victim, like he's not unhappy, like he really, like he's here by choice, and he wants other people to know that, like you don't have to give up on your marriage because one partner has certain needs that one partner's not meeting or they're a different. They realize they're a different person than who they are.
Speaker 2:And I just really want to know how he got. I'm just so curious on how he got there.
Speaker 4:You want both perspectives? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, absolutely, and I've I've watched a few of your YouTube videos as well, and you know he's on there and he's pretty open about his feelings. So, you know, we'll we'll talk about that more Well. We'll work out the scheduling I'd like to have it on so we can keep this, you know, in line. So we'll talk about, you know, maybe rerecording next week, but before that, before this, so there are so many questions, like I say, I think we need another hour and a half to get there. So, but right now, though, it's time to save some other relationships Courtney are you ready for?
Speaker 4:this. All right, I'm going to hit the intro and then I'm going to roll right into it. Here we go.
Speaker 1:It's the most wonderful time Of this goddamn podcast.
Speaker 2:Did you really think this was going to be a feel-good segment Are?
Speaker 1:you insane like me. Welcome to Relationship Advice with Ams and Jams.
Speaker 2:I see red, red, oh red.
Speaker 1:Got to your head. Well, you asked for our advice. We just hope you're ready for brutal honesty.
Speaker 4:Won't be brutal. Today We've got a professional in the house, dear Ams and Jams. So basically, me and my boyfriend have been discussing our past sexual life and relationships. Never do that. The problem here is that he knows I've had a past. I really don't feel like talking and telling him details and I'm really not interested in his. I know if I tell everything about my past then our relationship will really not go well and we will probably break up. I really feel bad about my past sins and I don't want to ruin anything. We have. Ams and jams. Do you think it's better to keep this a secret? I don't want to lose this guy at all. I've never lied or cheated on him. Just this one thing Is. It is the one thing the multiple partners. Is that what she's saying?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I just think, maybe she's.
Speaker 3:Sounds like it's her past.
Speaker 1:Maybe done some deviant deeds and doesn't want to share that with her current partner because that's not something she's into anymore.
Speaker 2:There were four of them all at once, I would say just if you don't I don't know, if you don't want to tell them, don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't. I don't know if you don't want to tell them. Yeah, you don't have to share I feel like I'm going to be judged by our guest.
Speaker 2:Look, she's got her hand up.
Speaker 4:She's like oh, you people are idiots. I feel like we should let her answer first Expert mode.
Speaker 1:I think no, you can't keep it a secret, because then it becomes this like festering.
Speaker 1:No time out. Let me finish. You can't keep it like it's a secret because it becomes this like festering. He's worried. What is that? What is it? But not wanting to share is not the same thing as keeping it secret. I think you just have the conversation of hey, I'm the past, is the past. I'm with you now currently, and I don't feel comfortable going down that road. You could say you know it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it. That's not what you want anymore. So there's no reason to bring it up, whatever you want to say it as. But I think just just by avoiding it makes it this dark, dirty, festering problem.
Speaker 6:So dirty Courtney. What do you say? First one is is that I think there's nothing wrong with having a boundary and saying I'm not interested in discussing my, our past. I don't think it adds any value to our present and definitely not to our future. So I hope you can respect my decision to not share that with you Now. If he comes back or the partner comes back and says that no, like I need a, I need somebody who can be fully transparent with me, Um um, then there's kind of two choices. The one is okay, that's fine, but if I share this information with you, then you're not allowed to use that against me or to to judge me or whatever. And I'm concerned with the idea of being with somebody and being so like into them that you're willing to overlook the fact that they could judge you and see you poorly leave you off of something you've done in the past in the past, like I don't like, do you really want to be with somebody like that, right?
Speaker 6:so that's how I would handle it. I was, I would assert a boundary. Then if you really, if they push back and you're like, okay bro, you want to fucking play, that's fine.
Speaker 5:Like okay, I'm going to.
Speaker 6:Let's put it out there. But here's the deal. You don't get a bitch, you don't get a. Hold it against me. You don't get to do any of that, you don't get to bring it up every time you get mad.
Speaker 6:I'm going to walk. Yeah, I'm going to walk because I need to be with somebody who is willing to one accept my boundaries, to, uh, love me because I am who I am today. Because of my past I'm not. That makes me so sad that she's feels ashamed of that. Like no girl like that, that shaped you for who you are. Could they have been better choices? Yes, probably they could have been. But don't ever feel ashamed of your past.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I'm ashamed of mine.
Speaker 4:I'm ashamed of you.
Speaker 2:I'm ashamed of everything else, I'm really okay.
Speaker 4:But you were you were yeah, Um, so I, I believe. Here's my thoughts. I think and Brayden might be able to attest to this Men seem to in these types of situations, situations, say give me the details and don't leave anything out. I need you to hurt me so I can see if I can get through this. Am I right? I need?
Speaker 3:to hear all give me my veggies how's that for your first marriage?
Speaker 1:did you continue to go looking?
Speaker 3:sleepless nights sleepless.
Speaker 4:Have you found that? That's how men are too. Do you agree with that, Courtney?
Speaker 6:With me. Um, no, I think it really depends on the guy. Like I like I go back to, like my husband, like he does not want to know the sexual details. It's interesting because one of the questions sorry not to make this about me, but um, I find that a lot again based on the comments that I get from men they are like oh, I would understand if Nate was gay or he had sexual, like erectile dysfunction, but like the fact that he's you're still sexually active with him and you like aren't you afraid to like fall in love with somebody else? Like they can understand seeking sex, but they don't understand the sex and love component together, emotion, that's yeah, that is that is a question I wanted to ask.
Speaker 2:Understand seeking sex, but they don't understand the sex and love component together emotion that's. Yeah, that is that is a question I wanted to ask, but I'll save it for next time yeah, well, you have to I know you put it in your notes.
Speaker 4:you won't remember, for god's sake. Uh, dear ams and jams, the recent family christmas party was at my house and about 25 people showed up. Well, it sounds like our Christmas. We always have a white elephant gift exchange, with a few rules. Anyone who doesn't have a gift by the end of the game will receive a $10 gift. Trading gifts is allowed only with the $10 consolation gift, so I think you have to give that away. I think I don't understand that part. The game had a total of 40 gifts, so I think people were bringing extra gifts. So how do people end up with none? That's confusing. I ended the game with four gifts. This person, the writer, did.
Speaker 1:I don't think you guys play White Elephant the correct way.
Speaker 4:And four family members ended with none. My gifts were a space heater, windshield wipers, a 20 pound gummy bear and a 50 starbucks gift card. This must be a well-to-do family. Damn for white elephant gifts, right? Um, my cousin ended up with 50 worth of lottery tickets but assumed they'd be worth nothing and and I don't go to Starbucks we couldn't trade because the rules above and argued that the gift cards and lottery tickets had a numerical value, like the $10 gifts, so they should be tradable. Why are you asking us this?
Speaker 4:The family agreed and more gift cards were exchanged. Trading ended and people began using their gifts. So I went to put my gifts back in my room and grabbed a quarter to scratch the five $10 tickets. I wasn't expecting to win. As I thought about that, while scratching the second, about to move on to the third scratch off, I did a double take and realized I'd won $25,000. Oh, you're definitely sharing it. For one second I thought they were fake.
Speaker 1:The other person wanted it back. They got more than me.
Speaker 4:Do you mind if I finish this question For one second? I thought they were fake, but my grandma, who bought them, wouldn't do that. I sat in my room for a bit and decided to keep quiet about it, knowing how some family members might react. I thought about how to tell them throughout the party and when they asked, I said no and I threw them all out what that they were. She lied.
Speaker 5:She said the next day.
Speaker 4:The next day I asked my mom to come with me to cash in the lottery ticket. She was surprised, of course, and told me that I needed to go to the casino. My brother thought it was funny and tagged along. He proceeded to post snaps of me of me being handed one hundred dollar bills in the casino. Although I told him not to say anything because the commotion it would cause, he posted it anyway. Oh brother, an hour passes and I'm pulling and I'm pulled into a group chat of people from the party plus family members that couldn't make it. I said I'd give everyone who came to the party two hundred and fifty dollars and thought I was being selfish. For 30 ish people that was about seventy five hundred dollars. I felt that was fair. Family members who weren't there argued that they shouldn't be excluded. Others argued that 250 wasn't enough if I have 25K. After about 30 minutes of arguing I was pissed and gave up negotiating. You were negotiating a Christmas gift.
Speaker 1:I would have said cool, now you get none.
Speaker 4:I told everyone that I'm sorry that they're not. What with the white elephant gifts this year, and that the rule was all trades are final Says right here in the rules. I kept all my money, put 15K in savings and invested the rest Many of my family members are still upset with me, even as far as calling me cruel and heartless. I told them $250 isn't enough from a $100 limit. Then they're the selfish ones Ams and jams. Should I have split the lottery winnings?
Speaker 2:No, no, I think I'd have taken $200. I've been like thank you, they're only mad because they want to be greedy.
Speaker 1:That's why that's crappy of your family. They should just be like that's really cool. I'm super happy you won all of that family. They should just be like that's really cool.
Speaker 2:I'm super happy you want all of that. I wouldn't give you shit. I'd give Amanda some, brayden some, but I wouldn't give you shit. Just so you know if I got 25.
Speaker 3:I'd just have to hand them the goddamn money what do you think about that one, courtney?
Speaker 6:no, I agree. I think that, yeah, absolutely not, like people are going to judge you regardless of what you do, so do what you think is right and what what feels good to you, and fuck them.
Speaker 4:I love her. Would you, would you have kept the money? You'd have kept it.
Speaker 6:I mean, I think it depends on the situation, I probably would have done something like thoughtful for the like, certain people, or like whatever. But, um, I think I'm a generous person, like I try to be generous, and I think that's that's an important like value for me.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I would have kept the majority of it absolutely, I think, gifting it to someone you're like yeah, I would like to share some of this with you guys, but when they start coming back and be like that's not enough now, no, fuck you. Now you get none yeah, yeah, that's.
Speaker 2:I'll show you what's not enough maybe I not.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'm spiteful like that because, like, being generous is being gifted it not asking for the problem is it's 250.
Speaker 4:It's 350. It's 100. There's limits. I think that's it's.
Speaker 2:I would have never going to be enough.
Speaker 5:And I would have said here's what I'm willing to do you guys pick the nicest restaurant.
Speaker 4:We're going to go eat there. It's going to cost me four grand to feed everybody, but it's going to be a dinner you'll never forget and that would be it. But handing everybody two hundreds and a 50, they're going to blow that in a weekend and it's going to mean nothing.
Speaker 1:So you've just given that away. Yeah, I guess that's right. You know what Cool. I'll rent a cabin. We can all go and stay in a cabin. I'll pay for the cabin. We'll have a family experience.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I'd do what you do I tell you what. I'll buy you guys dinner.
Speaker 1:We're going to Roos. Chris, I'm going to be at home. That's fine, you guys go.
Speaker 3:You guys go, I'll be at home. St Elmo's, st Elmo's, st Elmo's.
Speaker 4:Oh, love St Elmo's Love. St Elmo helped her either? Probably not. Dear Ams and Jams, I am 28 and my boyfriend is 29. Now, thanks for letting us know. We'll talk to you later. Good talk, love the show, by the way. Well, thank you, not now. We have been together for almost a year. We live together.
Speaker 4:He stopped being interested in sex about a month ago and said he thinks it's a testosterone issue. Has anyone been in a relationship where their partner just randomly became uninterested in sex? I'm starting to think he's just uninterested in me altogether. When we first got together we had sex like three times. I thought that was going to say day. It says week, three times a week it. It was great.
Speaker 4:I knew within time that it would slow down from three times a week. Uh, slow down, but not just abruptly stop all together. We don't make out or cuddle and when we kiss it's like a peck and that's it. No emotion at all. I know every relationship Okay, I know, I know every relationship usually goes through a dry spell, but not within the first year Like it feels.
Speaker 4:Like we've been together for 10 years with the lack of sex, intimacy and emotion. He tells me he loves me and stuff, but my hormones are crazy and I don't cheat, so it's like what the fuck do I do? We've had convos about it and he said he's just not interested. It's starting to make me feel gross about myself and I know that's something I need to work on with myself, but, holy shit, I just feel ugly, gross, fat et cetera. I just don't feel wanted at all. If this happened to you, please tell me how you dealt with it. And he refuses to go see a doctor to get seen for what he thinks is a testosterone problem. I've suggested it and he says no every time Ams and jams. Do I just need to move on and start over, or how can I get him back on track for sex?
Speaker 2:You want my info? You're up move on. It's every time if you don't want to go get help to have sex with me and you know I need sex then either we go see a therapist. If we don't see a therapist, then I'm gonna go make myself happy somewhere else maybe, maybe courtney's got the answer.
Speaker 4:Courtney did you? I know you had to get your charger. Did you hear most of that or no?
Speaker 6:yeah, I'm sorry. No, I heard most. I still heard it. It was just in the other room. Um, you know, okay, this is funny, so I mean it's not funny and I talk about this in the book. Um, but I actually had, uh, my first uh had erectile dysfunction after we opened the marriage. Okay, ironically, he didn't believe in sex therapy, so he wouldn't go.
Speaker 4:Did you write this letter?
Speaker 6:Yeah, it's funny anyways, but it's not funny, um, anyways. Uh, so here's the thing like there's something going on for a variety of. Whatever those reasons are, the fact is that she has a need, um, she has every right to be desired, to want a partner she can be sexually active with. My concern is his lack of motivation to, like, seek help to meet that need. So it, yes, it is about sex in this case, but, like, that is, if you're, you should not have to beg or cajole or convince somebody to want to improve an area that is causing a detriment in your relationship. Yep, and if you have to do that, get the fuck out.
Speaker 4:Like it's not worth it Just like Ams or Jim said Ams, what do you say?
Speaker 1:I. So I know that so many things can affect that, whether it be mentally, physically, and maybe he's interested in someone else and that's why he's not interested in you, and I think I'm surprised you didn't kind of mention that at all. That's usually where those end up going. But you are also kind of taking that personal versus just listening to him and understanding that he's going through something. Now I agree, like I have no sympathy for people who are not willing to help themselves, but you've got to maybe remember that he's in a situation where he needs help. Now you can't spend your wheels and time and everything making sure someone gets help if they refuse to get help, but maybe work in the effort or a different conversation or try and figure out what it is that's going on with him, that he's not wanting help and that he's not functioning the way that a man, that a man typically would like. Something's going on either mentally Something's there.
Speaker 1:There's something, whether it's mentally emotional, and I think you have to remember that men are always taught to not talk about those things and to not talk about those things and to not express those feelings and to shut them down and not allow them to be processed, and to make sure you're giving him support to process that. And if that doesn't work, then, yeah, get the fuck out.
Speaker 4:You are half a second from the cricket.
Speaker 2:I knew that was coming.
Speaker 4:A half a second from the cricket, no reason. So there you have it. Three more relationships saved. I knew that was coming A half a second from the cricket, no reason. So there you have it. Three more relationships saved. Put them on the ticker Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved. We're keeping track this next little segment here. Nobody's written back, have they, courtney? Oh, yeah, we had one. Yeah, we had one about Braden's. We actually had a couple couple, and I just go on past them. So, courtney, this next little segment that we do, it's called Love and Hate. It's one thing you love and one thing you hate. It can be about anything. So I'm going to play this. This is going to be it. We'll be done. It's time to talk about one thing I love. Jams, give us one thing you love, one thing you hate.
Speaker 2:I love Courtney in this conversation and I can't wait to do it again. I'm so excited I'm going to have so many questions, more questions. Sorry, I think I talked the whole time.
Speaker 4:I love when you girls are engaged like this.
Speaker 2:And I hate that you've skipped on giving us updates on people who've written back. That's bullshit.
Speaker 3:We're going to have a discussion. I think we did miss those producer meetings. We did miss them.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We missed.
Speaker 4:Hey, listen, I'll turn jams over to you guys. I don't care, you guys can just start handling.
Speaker 2:She don't want that. I don't want any responsibility for that. Can't have any of that. I'm just saying.
Speaker 3:Just let her know when they write in and have her prove freedom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then if they write in, I'll be like, ok, that's worth mentioning.
Speaker 4:Oh no, Well, that's just it. Most of them aren't worth mentioning.
Speaker 3:Hey, I'm writing back, Thanks, Brayden what do?
Speaker 1:you like, they probably are actually saying mean things. I did what you said. No, my life sucks.
Speaker 3:Way to go, Brayden. I love long weekends.
Speaker 2:Oh, me too Monday's off.
Speaker 3:I'm taking the boys to see Sonic 3.
Speaker 4:I'm going to be the coolest dude ever.
Speaker 3:That will be fun. I'm going to be the coolest dude ever. I hate winter. I hate it. I don't mind it.
Speaker 4:Honey, something you love, something you hate.
Speaker 1:You know, we just did one of these recently. I'm not very good at having a whole lot of love in one week. It's your daughter's birthday party today, am I? Yeah, I hate, I hate always starting with hate always um, her little feelings get crushed when boys don't give a shit about her little ballet outfit. She did it about school. The first time she put it on she said William's friend said my ballet costume was stupid F William, my friend. And she cried.
Speaker 4:My little five-year-old daughter, her nephews today she did walk out to them and she said hey, look at this.
Speaker 1:She went and put her ballet. She just started. I got her ballet lessons for Christmas, and so she's so excited to put her little leotard on.
Speaker 4:They said they're stupid. That's what boys say to girls.
Speaker 1:Boys don't care about ballet.
Speaker 4:You are saying nothing to.
Speaker 3:Jet Mavis, it's a ballerina outfit.
Speaker 5:What are they?
Speaker 3:supposed to do about it, is he?
Speaker 1:She was crushed.
Speaker 2:That breaks my heart.
Speaker 1:I love that she's a tiny me that also cries about silly nonsense too.
Speaker 4:Courtney, one thing you love, one thing you hate.
Speaker 6:Oh, I hate building a house in Germany. Man, we've been having an awful experience with that. I love this time that I got to spend with you guys.
Speaker 4:It was such a treat for me. So thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:And I want to, I want to hear not be number one, but that's right.
Speaker 4:We're in the top five.
Speaker 6:Did we make top five? I think you guys are now because this is the first time I've ever like publicly been. I've dabbled a little bit like sprinkled it into some of the interviews I've had before, but it's never been this explicit. So this is my first like explicitly openly polyamorous interview. There we go.
Speaker 4:I hope we didn't step on any boundaries, or I know you said open book. You tried Well, I did Well that's because, respectfully.
Speaker 6:So no, nothing I'm. We're cool dude.
Speaker 4:Perfect. Well, I'll tell you one thing I one thing I love is learning new. Things like this may not be for me, but I I love understanding it. And you know, courtney is somebody that I would run into and have a great conversation with at a bar, over dinner, whatever, like she is somebody I feel like I could just sit and talk to and learning about a way of life that's out there that I've not been exposed to. I love that shit and I love that. That's what brings, that's what this podcast does. Yes, we have a good time. Yes, we say some inappropriate stuff, children, we are children.
Speaker 4:Sophomoric, but this is the nuts and bolts of why I love my wife, my ex-wife and me, so yeah, what do you? Hate you. Awesome, I'll tell you what I hate. I hate time constraints. I hate those. Head on over to thankgodcancersavedourdivorcecom. It's brand new. By the way, courtney, stay on the line, don't go anywhere. And by the, way Chico lives.
Speaker 5:Y'all, crazy bitch R-D-I-V-O-R-C-E, you gotta fight Aye.
Speaker 4:Well, we're finally updating this part of the outro. Find us at ThankGodCancerSavedOurDivorcecom. Where else can they find us, Jamie?
Speaker 2:You can search on Facebook for Thank God, cancer Saved Our Divorce. You can find us on Twitter, instagram and TikTok. If you at TGC SOD, what's that stand for? Thank God, cancer Saved Our Divorce TGC.
Speaker 4:SOD, correct, that's weird. That actually kind of lines up it does. We'll take it, thanks.